Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help You Find – And Keep – Love
by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller
Nikki’s Rating: 10 out of 10
Summary: Levine and Heller look closely at Attachment Theory and apply it to adult relationships. The book helps you identify your attachment style and what that means in terms of your relationships. Attached also provides insight on effective communication, how to resolve conflict from a secure stance, and help you identify attachment styles in others.
10 Superb Things about Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
(May Contain Spoilers)
1. Challenging Myths about Attachment
First and foremost, I appreciate that Levine and Heller address the issue that Americans have with dependency. So many self-help books and relationship books state that you should never be dependent on your significant other. But as Levine and Heller very smartly point out, “dependency is a fact; it is not a choice or a preference… Numerous studies show that when two people form an intimate relationship, they regulate each other’s psychological and emotional well-being… Our partner regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing and the levels of hormones in our blood.” There nothing wrong with being attached and dependent on another human being, we evolved to do so.
2. Valid Questionnaire
To find out what your attachment style is, Levine and Heller provide a questionnaire based on the Experience in Close Relationship (ECR) questionnaire. The ECR is a validated adult attachment questionnaire. The authors also include the website for the full questionnaire if the reader is interested in taking the whole ECR-R.
3. The Science of Attachment
Levine and Heller do a great job of briefly going over the science, psychology, and evolutionary ties of attachment theory.
4. Backed by Research
As always, I highly respect any author, researcher, journalist, etc. that cite other sources to back up their claims, gives them a lot more credibility.
5. Stories and Examples
Levine and Heller provide many real life examples and stories that are so very relatable, relevant, and fun.
6. No Shame, No Blame
Oh so refreshing to come across a self-help book that does not claim something is “wrong” with you. Levine and Heller define, explain, and offer advice without blaming the reader for their attachment style or shaming them for it.
7. Communication Skills
Attached has a whole chapter dedicated to sound, reasonable advice on how to communicate effectively. I don’t care who you are, each and every one of us can improve how we communicate with others, especially with our loved ones.
Levine and Heller provide exercises in Attached in which you get to guess what type of attachment style a person has based on a snip-it of information. I had a blast with these exercises but perhaps I am a dork who just loves psychology!
9. Clear and Concise
Props to Levine and Heller simply for providing a ton of information in a clear, non-confusing manner! Seriously, this book is full of great insight and the authors have done a great job in making the book enjoyable and educational.
10. Ending Positively
Levine and Heller close Attached on a positive note and provide hope to their readers. They also include a list of important facts to keep in mind such as, “You shouldn’t feel bad for depending on the person you are closest to.”