Flowers

Rose Petal Painting Trial 2

Why specifically flowers? Because they are enchanting all on their own. They are simple, colorful, soft, delicate, and strong all at the same time. Components that separately amount to nothing extraordinary but together create a masterpiece, a perfect combination that only nature could put together.

Flowers are stunning and perfect regardless of their imperfections. One torn petal doesn’t cause the whole flower to wilt and die, no, the flower continues to strive and grow. No imperfection will deter it from being a beautiful flower, it remains true to itself.

It is because of this that I love working with flowers. I want to embrace the idea that even with imperfections, I am still worthy. Yes, like the flower I want to continue to grow and strive to be better, to be the best “me” I can be but even at this moment, I am good enough.

Be Authentic. Be Unique. Be You.

As always, thank you for reading. I would love to hear from you so feel free to contact me or comment below. And if you would like to support this blog and/or my paintings please become my patron.

Tweet Tweet Tweet

IMG_20170606_102354So for those of you who have noticed, I have a Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook page. And I must confess that I don’t really enjoy social media. Hell, I didn’t really expect to like bloging but surprise, I’m enjoying myself! Maybe its simply cause I am the one doing all the talking… Lol.

Regardless, the hatred that I’ve held for most Social Media avenues didn’t necessarily stem from my overall dislike of electronics and technology. It was more the obsession people had about it. The drama that would insue if a friend request was denied or god forbid, someone deleted you as a friend! The amount of trash talk and gossip about celebrities is absolutely toxic and irrelevant, does it really concern you who is fucking who in Hollywood? And best yet, the cesspool of cruelty, hatred, and ignorance of some individuals that goes viral is unbelievable! These are my issues with social media.

However, I’ve come to look at the positives of social media and hope to use it in that regard. One serious benefit for me is to keep tabs on friends and family, and no, I am not a stalker. I simply no longer live close to family and old friends and it is hard to find time to call them since our schedules don’t usually lineup conveniently and almost impossible to plan visits with our limited free time. So Facebook is my way of checking up on them and making sure that no tragedy has befallen them. Another positive of social media is spreading positivity, spreading love, joy, hope, forgiveness, and understanding.

Celebrities have opportunities to reach thousands of people via social media in which they could promote a good cause, fundraiser, or social issue. I truly appreciate all people who use social media in such a way and hope that one day I will be able to join them in shedding light on important issues. Until then, I hope my paintings bring you simple pleasure, inspire hope, and give you joy!

Be Authentic. Be Unique. Be You.

As always, thank you for reading. I would love to hear from you so feel free to contact me or comment below. And if you would like to support this blog and/or my paintings please become my patron.

Moo Moo Moods

Watercolor Petal Painting Trail 4Uh, I’m in just one of those moods. Have to laugh at myself cause I was just complaining about a book character the other today because he was always, “Whhhhaaa me! My life is sooo hard! (complaint, complaint, etc.)” And now I happen to be in “one of those moods”. Lame.

It’s annoying too because it’s also hard for me to identify why I’m in a shit mood. Of course there is the usual, everyone has bad days and good days, but having bipolar disorder I always question if it’s my mental illness. I question a lot of things because of my mental illness…

Example, when I decided that I was going to paint and try to make a career out of it, the first thing I asked myself: “Omg, I’m a manic right now?” No, my thinking at that moment wasn’t about what inspired me, what led me to want to paint. No, my first thought was questioning my sanity.

So when I’m in a mood like this I have to ask myself, “Did something occur today that would cause my foul mood? Am I just experiencing a case of the blahs that everyone experiences from time to time? Or am I having a mood swing?” which then leads to into more questions. “Did I not get enough sleep last night? Have I changed anything in my routine that may have cause a full-blown swing? I took my pills yesterday, right? Am I over thinking this? What can I do to get back to my normal content self?” And on and on. Totally exhausting to be perfectly honest!

Regardless, it’s the last question that is most important: “What can I do for myself to make myself feel better?” It ultimately doesn’t really matter what is causing the shit mood, it is how I deal with it and I know that. So I’m going to go use one of my wellness tools and either paint or read to bring my mood back up a bit.

Be Authentic. Be Unique. Be You.

As always, thank you for reading. I would love to hear from you so feel free to contact me or comment below. And if you would like to support this blog and/or my paintings please become my patron.

Personal Responsibility

Lily & Rose Petal Painting Trial 1Personal responsibility, I am responsible for my own actions, choices, behavior, and words regardless of my mental state. So that means it doesn’t matter if I am symptomatic or if I am under the influence of drugs/alcohol, I am still responsible for my actions and must face any consequences that occur because of my behavior. I try to always be mindful of this, as well as realizing that what I do, can affect others.

Realize that I’m not saying to live your life according to what others think or expect you to do. I’m saying when making decisions, pay attention if a choice may hurt another person and contemplate if it is worth it. Choosing not to go to college for whatever personal reason (school is not your thing, you would rather go to a trade school, you want to work/travel, etc) may piss off your parents, it might cause them to be disappointed and possibly cut you off financially. However, it is your life and you are trying to achieve happiness for yourself, make whatever decision you think is best. Now if you are choosing to get behind the wheel while drunk because you MUST get home and get sleep since you have a big presentation tomorrow, consider that you are creating a situation that may kill another person. For fuck sakes people, there is Uber!

Some of you may be thinking, well every time I get behind the wheel I create a situation that may kill me or another person, the pollution that my car is emitting is contributing to global warming, which is negatively affecting more than just humans. These are all true but these are situations that are not technically choices we have, instead, they are situations that are created by our society that are necessary to function in that society. In every city I have lived in California, never have a had a job that was close enough for me to walk/bike to, public transportation in this county is shit and unreliable, and most jobs now ask if you have your own means of transportation and if you don’t, no job for you. Ultimately my society has created an environment in which it is almost impossible to function without driving a vehicle daily but personal responsibility comes in on how I drive my vehicle. I have choices on if I get behind the wheel while under the influence of drugs/alcohol if I choose to speed dangerously or weave through lanes.

So while living the life you want, make good choices and pay attention to how your choices affect others, try to create the least amount of damage as possible.

Be Authentic. Be Unique. Be You.

As always, thank you for reading. I would love to hear from you so feel free to contact me or comment below. And if you would like to support this blog and/or my paintings please become my patron.

What Does it Mean?!

Glitter Trial 2My artwork is colorful, random, glittery, loud, sparkly, quirky, and all around playful, very much like myself. With my favorite artists being Lisa Frank, Betsey Johnson, Amy Brown, and Josephine Wall, I’m hoping my art is just as fun as theirs. But what does it mean? Why am I spending all this time painting, throwing colors around, tearing petals off flowers, getting glitter literally everywhere?

I have several reasons, I’ll explore one of them for now…

First off, reality check: the world is a shitty place; life is not a bouquet of flowers, as I’m sure you know. There is so, so, so much suffering on this planet; there wouldn’t ever be enough time or space available to write down all the things that break my heart. From animal abuse, infanticide, shoot shootings, rape, starvation, human trafficking, homicide, global warming, war, torture, pollution, extinction, there is just so much ugly and bad here. All these things cross my mind frequently but thankfully not constantly, I don’t think I could survive that. But with all these bad and ugly things, there is just as much hope, love, and beauty.

I truly believe that everything has balance. As much love and joy a child brings to their parents, they also bring an equal amount of stress and heartache. With me having bipolar disorder, my ups and downs will always be equal to each other, just on the opposite spectrum. And with the world, there is an equal amount of good to the bad.

Ultimately, I want to bring more good and beauty to the world with my paintings. It is a small contribution in the scheme of things but I hope it inspires others to also create something with love, even if it lasts only for 1 second, that second matters. Perhaps one day all these little lights will add up and the good in this world will outweigh the bad…

Be Authentic. Be Unique. Be You.

As always, thank you for reading. I would love to hear from you so feel free to contact me or comment below. And if you would like to support this blog and/or my paintings please become my patron.

The Dream…

Watercolor Petal Painting Trial 3So if you have been following along, totally okay if you haven’t, I’ve mentioned “the dream” a few times… And no, I’m not talking about a dream as in a goal, like “I dream of becoming a Hollywood star”, no I’m talking about the weird BS that your brain puts together. Yeah, that weird crap that Freud claimed was your subconscious telling you very important secret things about yourself and your “true” feelings.

Well, yeah, my strange, hidden self has informed me that I am a painter. And no, not like “I paint as a hobby in my spare time.” Nope my dreams have been about me being a professional artist, being able to pay bills and have a career with paint and my imagination. The reason why this like makes no sense to me and why I’m totally weirded out by it is that up until now, I haven’t painted since like forever, probably sometime in middle school.

Regardless, these dreams have been persistent for the last few months. I wake up in the middle of the night from a dream about a different painting technique or concept and cannot go back to sleep for the life of me. Instead I lay there and play the dream over in my head. I think about different ways I can execute the idea, various mediums I could use, how particular elements can be changed to evolve it. Kinda annoying really… I literally feel compelled to get up and paint in the middle of the night. Mind you, I have a day job that starts at 7am so painting at 3am isn’t the best idea since I work with the public and I get cranky without enough sleep.

I have noticed that I sleep better when I have painted during the day so obviously the only thing to do is to paint and see where it takes me! At the very least, I will be back to sleeping during the night. 🙂

Be Authentic. Be Unique. Be You.

As always, thank you for reading. I would love to hear from you so feel free to contact me or comment below. And if you would like to support this blog and/or my paintings please become my patron.

Book Reviews

Bubble Trial 3Considering that my most favorite hobby is reading I decided to blog my thoughts about the books I read. I will always give a brief non-spoiler summary of the book, I will then go into my overall thoughts, favorite scenes and/or characters but I will highlight that area as a possible spoiler zone. I would never want to intentionally “ruin” a book for someone.

So what can you expect on my reading list? Just like my taste in music, my taste in books tend to be a grab-bag, a lot of it depends on my mood, and also my intentions. I sometimes read to learn, to escape, to get another perspective, to feel, and/or to have fun. Pretty typical genres for me would be fantasy, fiction, non-fiction, historical fiction, young adult, mangas, comics, romance, and sci-fi. If I had to pick my most favorite genre it would be a hard choice between young adult and historical fiction. I love historical fiction for satisfying my want of learning while usually getting romance and a fun escape from reality.

As for my other top genre, I’ve gotten teased about liking young adult and all I have to say is don’t knock it until you’ve tried it! Alright, I understand that young adult isn’t for everyone but I really, really enjoy this genre. One of the biggest reasons why is because I’ve found that young adult novels bring up some pretty serious, tough, and sometimes completely fucked-up things in such a way that I’m not depressed reading through the whole book. Being an empath, I tend to feel deeply for others and yes, when I read I get so caught up that I feel for the characters. I cry with them, laugh with them, and get vicariously embarrassed because of them (hate that!). So while I realize that true life can be cruel, unforgiving, heartbreaking, and tragic and I expect all novels to touch upon these in some way, I don’t want to be reading a novel and feeling hopeless and depressed through the whole thing. I believe that the young adult genre has a nice balance of simple fun bantering between characters, a blossoming romance, overall humor, and character depth while still bringing up tough, worthwhile subjects. Ultimately I find most young adult novels to be fun, enjoyable, interesting, and quick reads so expect a lot of reviews from that genre here.

Be Authentic. Be Unique. Be You.

As always, thank you for reading. I would love to hear from you so feel free to contact me or comment below. And if you would like to support this blog and/or my paintings please become my patron.